I don’t do anything half-heartedly. Not-A-Thing! If I commit to someone or something, it is with every fiber of my being. I have a tendency to head into things from a sensory perceptive space. Which basically means, while I value strategy and planning I tend to go with what feels good intuitively. And I mean, REALLY good. So how does that translate into choosing myself? Great question! I am so glad that you asked!
Like many other women, I have struggled with making myself a priority. I have been guilty of overextending myself, assuming far too much responsibility, and I have struggled to place emphasis or value on my worth. It is no secret that we are experiencing an absolutely illustrious paradigm shift in women’s empowerment, specifically the black woman. I LOVE it and am honored to be a part of it! While we have come so far in terms of embracing our whole selves in our complete entirety, we still have quite a way to go. I love to see us embracing our natural selves, the beautiful variances in our skin tone as well as our body shapes, who we are and what we represent. With all of that said, WE (as a collective unit) still seem to struggle with choosing ourselves.
Why is it so difficult for us to identify as who we are and own it? With so much going on in the world it can be difficult as a woman to not only understand your worth but to place emphasis on your value and learn to put yourself first. Women of color, especially black women seem to have the most difficulty asserting themselves without being labeled as angry and displaying ambition while exerting their strength without being called a bitch. What’s even more disheartening is that black women struggle with the stigmas associated with mental health. We are so quick to throw on our Superwoman Shero cape, assuming yet another responsibility but we don’t take the time necessary to care for ourselves. Ladies, it is time that we let it all go! I am here to tell you that you can put yourself first and avoid feeling guilty for doing so. Here are five steps for you to reclaim the top priority in your life, reassert your authority and claim your power!
You are You, without attachment(s).
We often become so caught up in our identity as it pertains to our relationship with others. Yes, I said it! You are you, not ‘just’ a Mother, Wife, Girlfriend, Supervisor, Key-holder, employee, sister, or someone’s daughter. Too much of our identity is prefaced by whom we affiliate ourselves with. Much to my chagrin, I must admit titles have meant the MOST to me. What I found to be most troubling is that being somebody’s meant more to me than actually being somebody for far too long. (Read that again) You are who you are with, or without someone else. You do not require any outside validation. Everything that you desire is already within you. OWN IT! Visualize it and Claim it as yours.
You’ve got the juice! You are the CEO of your own life! You own your vision! You are your own brand and you are empowered to maintain absolute control of how you market yourself. Yes, Queen! Your social media, your presence, the way you speak, what you stand for, it all belongs to you. Everything you desire is already within you. Remember when Glenda the Good witch told Dorothy she had it in her all along? I am here to remind you that you already have it in you! Everything you desire, you already possess within you. Manifest your desires and allow them to come to fruition.
You do the choosing! Stop waiting to be chosen!
This was probably my ‘EUREKA’ moment! I would often say (jokingly, but low-key serious) “Girl, I’m just tryna get chose!” That mentality right there left me in the position to wait to be “chosen.” There isn’t any sense of empowerment in waiting for someone to choose you. Instead, I chose to focus on falling in love with myself. Each day I make every effort to become the woman of my dreams. It is no secret that we magnify is ultimately what we manifest. Essentially, the words we speak with our mouth as well as how we communicate to the Youniverse with what we feel and think is what we attract. In my healing process, I looked back on my life at the people (especially the men) that I found myself involved with at certain points of my life and they were all a reflection of my self-esteem. The way I felt about myself at the time was reflected in the people I allowed to get close to me. Once I began to affirm life into myself, focus on my mental health and set appropriate goals for my healing certain people fell to the wayside and it was difficult, but ultimately I was ok with that. I found solace in understanding that everyone I came in to contact with wasn’t necessarily meant to accompany me on my journey.
Self-care is NOT selfish.
You owe it to yourself to care for you. You are your top priority; it is imperative that you find ways to pour into yourself. What does self-care look like to you? Perhaps it is five minutes of journaling in the parking lot at work or maybe it’s waking up 15 minutes early to meditate. Self-care may be taking yourself on a date and splurging, dinner, movies, mani/pedi, whatever it takes to ensure that you are aligned with your true self take the time to do just that. Self-care also means setting boundaries and preventing yourself from overexertion. It may mean taking a social media hiatus, or setting a DND (do not disturb) timer on your phone from 10:00 pm until 6:00 am. You decide, you set the tone and create a healthy space to do what is best for You!
Honor the space that you are in.
This by far, is the most difficult for me. If you are anything like me, being ambition and drive may make it difficult for you to honor the current space that you occupy. Understanding that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, exactly when you are supposed to be there is instrumental in honoring your space. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (Google it) teaches us that a need fulfilled, is a need sustained. What that means is, often times once we have reached a certain goal no matter how large or small, we do not take the time to celebrate it. Our brains have become hardwired to move on to the next step causing us to become dissatisfied with the current space that we occupy. So how do we honor our current space while remaining focused on our next goal? Express gratitude for where you are. Be thankful for where you are right now, be present and truly exist in the space that you currently occupy.The journey for self-fulfillment will continue to be ongoing, it is essential that you pause for a moment to recognize where you are. Don’t forget to celebrate your success, big or small you did it! You deserve to take a moment to recognize it.
I know that it won’t be easy, remember it takes 21 days to form a habit and 90 days to cultivate a lifestyle. Remember, you possess the power! You are limitless and without boundaries. Affirm positively, be kind to yourself, train your mind to communicate confidently and watch your vibrational frequency increase. You owe it to yourself to be the best version of YOU! Drop a comment; let me know what your favorite forms of self-care are. Tell me all about the epiphany you experienced and the moment you decided to choose YOU! Most importantly, remember your assignment. You weren’t placed on this earth to be chosen, you were granted with the power to do the choosing. Be Choosy.